on letting go

at this time of the day i might be reading the thick GMAT/GRE manuals trying to brush up my score so that i could get into america’s finest public policy school under the fulbright scholarship that i might have gotten. or i might not.

until recently i couldn’t quite let go the fact that i let go my chance of a fulbright interview because i already received an NZDS offer.

i could sign the NZDS offer and have the fulbright interview afterwards, and if i then got the fulbright scholarship i could decline the NZDS offer. it didn’t seem right although i thought it could be done.

i declined the fulbright interview and signed the NZDS offer because the NZDS offer came first, and, i want to be responsible for my own actions and for the decisions that I have made.

looking back now i think i should not have applied for the fulbright scholarship at the very first place. but curiosity kills, and as a human being we always want to push our limit and to raise the bar, and see how far we can go, and get what we think is best.

for all my life i always think that holding on to what i really want is what keeps me alive and strong – but i realised this is not how life always works. because sometimes the thing that we want is not necessarily the thing that we need.

keeping our options open means that we should be willing to let go of the things we have planned, to accept anything that is waiting for us. perhaps greater things. i should have known better.